


No Guts No Glory No Problem

by mattygroves



Series: A Long Time Ago, in a MASH Unit Far, Far Away [2]
Category: MASH (TV), Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Drinking, F/F, M/M, Part of Series, Relationship Advice, au: anakin never became evil, au: padme didn't die, the pilots are doctors, this war has been going on forever, utter crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-11 00:38:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7017124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mattygroves/pseuds/mattygroves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re drooling,” Finn whispered to Rey, giving her a nudge with his shoulder. “Drooling and staring.”</p><p>“Shut up,” Rey said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Guts No Glory No Problem

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 in a series, will make more sense if you read the first :)

Maz’s Bar was eerily quiet when the band took a break. Poe and Finn could hear Ben Solo and General Hux from across the room, even though they contrived to whisper. 

“You know what I love about you, Hux? Your lobes,” Ben said huskily, a finger tracing the outline of Hux’s pink-tinged ear. “They drive me wild.”

“Oh, Ben,” Hux said.

“Oh, Force!” Poe said, making no attempt at whispering.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” said Finn.

“That may have turned me off permanently,” Poe drained his glass and tapped the bar for another.

“Those two are ruining the war for all of us!” Hux hissed.

#

Back at their Mobile Army Surgical Hospital sometime later, Poe and Finn stripped down to their shorts to catch a nap in the sun, about the only thing worth doing on this rock with delusions of planetoid grandeur.

“Get up, get some fucking clothes on,” Rey said, casting a shadow over them. “You’re part of the welcoming committee for the new doctor.”

“Ugh,” Poe said.

#

“Karé Kun, as I live and breath!” Poe said later, enveloping the woman in a bear hug. His head barely came to her shoulder. She had short, spiky blonde hair and legs for days.

Karé Kun rested her arm over Poe’s shoulders and surveyed the small crowd gathered to meet her.

Colonel Leia Amidala stepped forward to welcome her, taking her free hand in a firm shake.

“I see you already know the infamous Poe Dameron.”

“We were at med school together,” Poe explained.

“Don’t think I’ve seen you since—”

“Shh, Karé, the less said about the tauntaun, the better.”

“You’re drooling,” Finn whispered to Rey, giving her a nudge with his shoulder. “Drooling and staring.”

“Shut up,” Rey said.

From behind them, Dr. Jess Pava swore under her breath. Finn turned around and raised an eyebrow, but she just shrugged and looked stubborn.

#

It was Leia’s turn to swear later when she got a communiqué from Senator Antilles, announcing his imminent arrival with an entourage from Hosnian Prime.

#

“What’s your excuse this time, Wedge?”

“Excuse me?”

“I know you’re just here to get back into my brother’s pants.”

“Now, Leia, you know Jedis aren’t supposed to engage in personal relationships,” he replied smoothly.

“Yeah, because Luke would be the first Skywalker to break that rule. And if you don’t think I’m still traumatized from catching you two in the supply closet on your last little visit—”

“Leia, I’m hurt. I’m here on official business, a matter of troop morale.”

“What morale?”

“Exactly my point.”

#

“I ain’t doing it,” said Finn, crossing his arms.

“C’mon, baby, look at those muscles, you got this in the bag,” Poe cajoled.

#

“In the bag,” Finn hissed under his breath, “So much for that fun little surprise I had for you tonight.” 

Poe’s face fell and his mouth hung open at the sight of Finn’s opponent in the upcoming “friendly” duel Senator Antilles had set up. Dude was huge and hairy.

“For morale, huh,” Finn muttered.

“C’mon, buddy,” Poe whispered through the side of his mouth, “At least you’re not using real lightsabers.”

“You gents excited for the big night?” Antilles cooed, clapping his champion on the back. His champion grunted.

“Can I speak with you outside?” Finn said to Poe, “Dear.”

#

After some convincing, Poe had Finn in the training square, ready to spare with Rey, a reluctant “volunteer.”

“You ready?” she asked.

Finn nodded and she had him on his back in a matter of seconds.

“How did you do that?” Poe asked.

“I grew up on Jakku,” she shrugged.

“I have a brilliant idea,” Finn said. “You should do the fight, Rey.”

Rey snorted, but a smooth voice behind her said, “That was impressive,” causing her to turn red.

“So, is that a yes?” Finn smiled innocently, looking from Rey to Karé and back.

“Eat bantha shit,” Rey said.

#

Later, Rey shook him awake from a nap in the Swamp.

“What’re you doing here?” Finn mumbled groggily.

“I don’t know what to do, she’s so pretty I can’t even talk to her.”

“Ugh, I don’t know Rey. Just get drunk and kiss her.”

“That’s terrible advice.”

“Worked for me.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me, best friend. Now lemme get some sleep, for forcesake.”

Only a few minutes later, though, Jess was shaking him back awake.

“What did she say to you? Is she in love with Karé? I knew it!”

“Ugh,” Finn said.

“What am I gonna do, Finn?”

“I don’t know, Jess. As I recall, I told you to make your move months ago.”

“You’re so helpful. Wow. How can I ever thank you?”

“I wish people would stop coming to me for advice, it’s not like I’m good at it.”

“Better than Poe, at least. His advice is always to get drunk and kiss them.”

Finn had the decency to blush.

#

“What are you doing later, Master Skywalker?” Wedge asked in a husky voice.

“Jedi stuff,” Luke replied, insinuatingly.

“Force, Yoda, and Windu, this is my office!” said Leia.

#

The fight was scheduled to last three rounds, but Rey’s opponent was knocked out in the first.

#

“I wonder if Rey’s gonna follow my advice about Karé,” Finn mused at the victory party as they swayed to an old standard.

“...See the market place on old Naboo...” the recording crooned through the raspy speakers.

“Rey likes Karé? I wish I’d known, I’d have told you earlier. Karé’s married, her wife is a fancy pediatrician on Duro.” 

“Well, shit.”

“I thought Jess and Rey were a thing, anyway.”

“I told Jess to make it a thing months ago, but she never got around to it.”

“Until now, apparently,” Poe said, spinning Finn to see what he’d just seen: Rey and Jess in a passionate tumble in the corner of the mess tent.

“Not such bad advice after all,” said Finn smugly.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! Kudos and comments begged for on humble knee! Come as you are, leave having left kudos! Forget the Dark Side, we have cookies too!


End file.
